August 24, 2015
Less than an hour later, the blood tests were back...
I have never in my life seen a doctor's demeanor change so drastically as I did that day. When we first arrived, the doctor who saw us was jovial, lighthearted, and had all the confidence of someone who was certain he could fix us up and send us on our way in no time.
When he re-entered the room an hour later, it was as if all life had been sucked out of him. His expression was one of sadness and heartache and concern. I had never seen anything like it on a doctor before, and even before he began to speak, I knew something was seriously wrong. Still, I could never have imagined just how wrong. There is nothing that could have prepared me for what he was about to tell us.
He said Matt had no white blood cells. I had no idea what this meant, but I knew from his face that it was something bad. He began to explain... no white blood cells means he has no immune system...
Okay, but why would he not have an immune system? This makes no sense. I really wished I had paid more attention in biology class.
He explained that his immune system must be battling (and losing the battle) against a very serious disease (hepatitis, Lyme's Disease, HIV)...
Either that, or a he had a blood cancer.
That was the moment that all four walls that had been holding up my entire world came crashing down into a cloud of dust all around me. I immediately ran to Matt, climbed onto the stretcher that he was lying on, and began to cry. I knew this was not the reaction I was supposed to have. I was supposed to be strong and assure him that everything would be okay, but there was no strength to be found within my body at that moment. Everything inside me had turned to putty.
We were admitted to the hospital right away and were immediately put into isolation to try to protect him from any germs. In the matter of an instant we had gone from "I hope there's a pill for this" to "There's no pill for this; also, you're now officially fighting for your life, so gear up."
We were assigned an infectious disease specialist and an oncologist (quite possibly the scariest word in the world). We crossed our fingers and hoped for an infectious disease. Anything but cancer. Please...